I've created a monster.

And that monster is named Rocky. He will not let us sleep at night. I'm starting to feeling like I am living with perpetual fog in my head. Not grouchy, but somewhat out of it. Sometimes slap happy. Sometimes just plain exhausted.

The cats waking us up in the middle of the night is nothing new, but over the winter, they were really good and sletp through most nights. In the past, as warmer weather arrived, they would start getting up at 3:00 or 4:00, wanting to go out. Meowing and meowing persistently no matter how long we ignored them. And years ago, Rocky would get up at all hours wanting to eat more.

I don't know how we finally got them to settle down. I think, in part, it was them getting older, they are just more mellow. And during the summer, if they are bad, we end up shutting them out of the room which usually works until dawn when Simon starts rattling the doorknob or body slamming the door.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Will is good at it. Me? Not so much because it starts to make me crazy after awhile and I have to make it stop.

And let me just say, I am a light sleeper. It is not hard to wake me up. I can have earplugs in, the fans going and the door closed and still hear some of the racket.

So yeah, in a way this is nothing new, but it is a little different. And really, it's my fault. When Rocky was first diagnosed with a tumor, he had days where he really wasn't eating much at all. So if I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or get water, and he ran to his dish, I would give him food. And he would eat. And I was just happy to get some food in him.

But not he knows that he can get me up in the middle of the night to give him food. Sucker!

And now he eats frequently throughout the day so I doubt he really needs food in the middle of the night.

But he has a tumor, what am I supposed to do? It's hard to get mad at him. I have no idea how much longer he'll be around to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Waking up at 1:00 or 2:00 and then going back to sleep until 5:00 or 6:00 isn't so bad.

Waking up at 1:00 or 2:00 and being kept awake for who knows how long and then waking up again at 4:00, 5:00 and 6:00 is not so fun. It is not restful, fulfilling sleep.

And we don't even really know what he wants. I guess he just wants us to be awake. He nuzzles our faces, licks us, sits on the bed and quietly mews. He wants love. He wants to be pet. He wants to snuggle.

Lately, I've been trying to ignore him. We both used to just pet him, because, well, it's kind of sweet. But now, it's more like, "come on, dude, I want to SLEEP."

So I ignore him. I pretend I am asleep. But HE DOES NOT STOP. Some nights I get to sleep from 1:00 to 4:00. Last night, I think I was awake most of the night. He would curl up under my arm and I would think, "at last, he has settled down." But no, he would stand up, turn around, walk around the bed. So, so restless.

He's pretty restless during the day as well. Of course, there is the possibility that his tumor is bothering him, but we just don't know. It doesn't seem like he is in pain. He's not showing the typical signs of being in pain: not eating and wanting to isolate. He eats and all he wants to do is be with us.

Maybe it's because he used to go outside a lot more than he does now. That's been a big life change for him. We would play with him, but he doesn't really like to play. Chasing toys just doesn't interest him that much.

And yes, I know that cats are nocturnal, but house cats can ultimately learn that their humans sleep at night and so they should too.

I read this earlier:

If you get up and feed your cat, play with him or even interact with him, you will have inadvertently rewarded him for waking you. As a result, he’ll try harder and harder to wake you each subsequent night. Even getting out of bed to scold your cat won’t work well, because negative attention from you may be better than no attention at all.

Every single time that I have gotten up and given Rocky food or pet him or acknowledged his existence in some way, I have basically been telling him that he can just wake me up whenever he wants.

So now what? I still can't even get mad at him. It just is what it is. But we need to sleep. We desperately need to sleep. I have not slept for longer than two hours at a time in weeks.

Because he has the tumor, I feel sort of guilty shutting him out of the room, but I think that's what has to happen. That's the only thing that I can think to do.

And I kind of feel like an idiot, because, yeah, I created this mess. I created the nighttime monster that is Rocky. But when all of this started, we really thought death was imminent so how were we supposed to ignore his need to snuggle in the middle of the night? It was sweet and comforting.

Now, since he is stable, we really have no idea how long he'll be around. The vet doesn't think he'll be around longer than 6 months, but they don't really know. It could be much longer. Which is awesome. Or he could be in this stable phase, feeling good, and his tumor could rupture and then he would likely die. Which is not awesome. But no matter, we need to start getting some sleep.

Well, this was a much longer ramble than I had in mind. Just blame it on the lack of sleep.

Summer.

[Polaroid SLR 680SE + expired Polaroid 779 "Share the Love" instant film]

I love summer although right now I could do without the sweltering hot days and nights that we are having. It cools off outside in the evenings, but our bedroom is usually about 88 degrees when I get into bed. It doesn't make for very good sleep. This whole week has been filled with restless nights and weird dreams. I sleep, but it's not solid or deep, and it feels like I wake up every hour although that may just be part of the weird dreams. I have no idea.

Nonetheless, it is still one of my favorite seasons. And while I wish my days were filled with sparkling blue swimming pools and days at the beach, I make due with enjoying our backyard and watching the garden grow. It's been a good gardening year and I'm thrilled to have so many tomatoes, eggplants and cucumbers growing. We also have some jalapeno peppers and a random watermelon. I didn't plant any watermelon so I am guessing that there was a watermelon seed mixed in with the cucumber seeds. Kind of cool since I've never grown watermelon before!

Be sure and check out all the other Summer submmissions over at Words To Shoot By. There are swimming pools and oceans involved!

Earlier in the summer.

I had to try so many different pills for my insomnia and anxiety, I started to feel like I was caught in my own valley of the dolls. It prompted me to reread my collection of Jacqueline Susann novels.

Taking pills is really not my thing, so I am happy to report that, for the most part, I am doing quite well sans any "dolls".

Moody.

I am sorry to report that my insomnia has gotten really bad again lately and I am having quite a hard time. The lack of sleep interferes with my life way too much and it is so frustrating to me. It's one thing not to get good sleep every once in awhile, but after 4 years of this bullshit, I am at a complete loss. And nothing I take seems to help. Herbal remedies, melatonin, sleeping pills, calcium magnesium at bedtime and all the other various tips and tricks that seem to work for other folks. Nothing works for me.

The funny thing is that last week I had 3 nights that I actually slept through the night. Three nights! That hasn't happened in years. But hand in hand with that has come many more terrible nights.

Argh.

Sorry to complain, but after a week of restless nights, I am at an all time low this morning.

I hope to get some sleep soon and be back here more consistently with lots of happy things to share.

xo

The Instax and Game Day and Dreams.

Shot taken with my new Fuji Instax Wide 210 camera. I am really enjoying this camera so far even though it's a beast of a camera. It's about the size of a brick. It reminds me a bit of using the old Polaroid One Step cameras, the ones that the flash always fires on. I stuck a piece of black electrical tape over the flash so that it doesn't always wash everything out, although sometimes the flash is needed. I've been taking a lot of indoor low lights shots just to figure out what it can manage with no flash. The film produces surprisingly rich colors. And the best thing about it? The film is readily available and affordable!

Don't get me wrong, my Polaroid cameras and films will always be my first loves, but this is a nice addition to the family and one that will ultimately allow me to conserve my Polaroid film. I plan to use the Instax for more of my "everyday" sort of shots and conserve the Pola film for more exciting adventures.

This morning I woke up and immediately started making a list in my head of all the food preparation I have to do for the big game.

I woke up a little late, but it's okay because all I really have to do before the food prep is go for a run and I have plenty of time. Our guests will not be arriving until around 1:00pm for the NFC game.

I haven't really been sleeping well (shocking, I know), but it hasn't caught up to me yet. (I hope I don't regret saying that out loud.) It's not so much that I am not sleeping, it's that my sleep is very shallow. Like I can be asleep and dreaming, but somehow I am aware of what's going on in the room as well. The cats shifting position, the house settling and make weird creaks and groans. And I dream a lot. Multiple dreams throughout the night and early morning.

I can always tell when I have slept deeply because I either don't remember a dream or only remember one long dream instead of many shifting dreams.

Sometimes I feel like I wake up every time I turn over.

Last night I had not one, but two dreams about my dad's old Ford truck. I can't recall ever dreaming about that truck before so I have no idea why it showed up last night.

In one dream, Will and I had left the highway and were traveling on rough made dirt roads that kept coming to an end. We'd always find another road to get on, but they all kept ending by either just disappearing or coming to a place where a bridge used to be but no longer existed. Eventually we came to some super bizarre rest area/truck stop place and I walked around taking Polaroid pictures.

I wish I could take snapshots of my dreams and share them with you as some of the visuals are really interesting, but I am not so good at putting them into words.

In another dream, I was traveling with my mother and again, we stopped at a truck stop to eat. Then suddenly I had roller skates on and I was skating around trying to find a bathroom.

Rocky got up at 5:30 and started to whine so I brought him to the bed with the hope that he would chill out for awhile longer. This only partially works because while he does calm down, it involves a lot of constant petting so I don't actually get to go back to sleep.

I finally let them out at 6:00 and dozed back off. The dream that came mostly eludes me now, but I do remember at the end, I had gotten my hair cut super short and it had been dyed to a platinum blonde shade with a blue stripe down the center. Really not a good look for me.

Hmmm, well, I had planned to sit down write about football and food and instead I rambled on about dreams. Go figure.

More soon my lovelies. Hope you all have a very happy Sunday.

GO STEELERS!!

Happy New Year!

Hello at last! Hope the new year is treating you all well.

This is the first photo I took on New Year's Day and it was a bit of an accident and didn't turn out so well. I attached my little self-timer to the camera and the piece that pops out to take the photo got stuck and so after the first photo, it kept pressing the shutter in and taking more photos. Eek! Not exactly how I want to use my $22 for 8 shots film! Luckily there were only two shots left so I didn't end up with 8 shots of bad self-portraits.

I think I look pretty awful here, but I like the setting and I like my new bunny t-shirt. (From my favorite t-shirt shop, Supermaggie.)

And I am posting it because I still feel like an unattractive mess after spending most of the start of this new year being incredibly sleep deprived and a bit ill. No fun! I am feeling better today, but I still haven't slept through the night which is very frustrating. And I still haven't really gotten my head wrapped around the fact that it is a new year and a time for new beginnings.

I need a good night of sleep and a new perspective on 2011.

Holiday lights and more tapas.

Last week was a long and somewhat emotionally draining week. Albeit a very productive week as well. So on Friday evening, we decided that we wanted to go somewhere nice for dinner, some place warm and cozy and relaxing. We ended up deciding to check out the Chispa Tapas Bar at El Meson.

As we were driving over there, I asked Will to drive by the Plaza so we could check out the holiday lights. It's so rare that I am out in the evenings, I really haven't seen all the festive lights that folks have put up. So we cruise by the Plaza and it just looked so happy and festive.

I asked Will, "Have we ever been to the Plaza at night around the holidays before?"

No, I don't think so.

So yeah, this is our fourth December here and the first time we've seen the lovely lights on all the trees at the Plaza. We are so bad.

We parked near Back at the Ranch which was looking pretty festive as well. That's where I took the photo of the bull sculpture decorated with lights.

El Meson was hopping, but the hostess gave us a table in the bar that someone hadn't shown up to claim. Some older fellows were setting up to play some jazz and they turned out to be highly entertaining. We like jazz just fine and good lord, at least it wasn't more blues which is usually all we hear in this town. And these fellows, man, they made the best faces while they played, especially the drummer and the stand up bass player. It made me happy that these guys were still doing something that they obviously love a lot.

We started off with olives and manchego cheese which had some sort of quince from Chimayo sauce on it. Quite tasty. Will wanted the Patatas Bravas Con Mojo Picante which is basically fried potatoes with dipping sauces. Something I had a lot of when I was in Spain. Good but not super exciting. I picked the Sauteed Scallops with White Wine and Serrano Ham. The ham was pretty incredible, the scallops were fine but didn't taste particularly fresh. Will's next choice was a pork tenderloin with something or other that I can't remember. It was good. And then we decided to try the veal because neither of us have had veal since forever. It was Fried Veal Cutlet rolled with Serrano Ham and Manchego Cheese, served with a spicy tomato sauce. That was tasty. And for dessert, churros with chocolate sauce.

All in all it was a fine meal and it was actually exactly the kind of evening we wanted. A little wine, a little food, some jazz and no stress. But La Boca is waaaaaay better as far as tapas go.

Last Thursday was my last day for felting things and I'm pretty much done with work stuff, but the "things to do" list still doesn't seem to be getting any smaller. We ran around most of this afternoon and I am totally beat now. Rocky has been getting me up at 5:00am and while it's way better than 3:00am, it's still really disruptive to my sleep. I decided not to run this morning and I so wanted to sleep in, but after getting up 3 or 4 times with one cat or the other, I gave up and got up at the usual time. Those damn cats are lucky they are cute.

Hoping to have a little more time for photo taking and blogging this week!

New stuff.

Nothing like waking up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning!

I actually had two decent nights of sleep earlier this week, but then it was back to the usual crap sleep. After we went to the movies on Friday, we finally went to check out mattresses. Will hates our current mattress and while I don't hate it, I have this tiny hope that a new mattress/bed is going to be the answer to all the restless nights. We're leaning toward getting a Tempur-Cloud because we slept on one while we were in Arizona and really liked it.

Aside from the movie and the bed shopping, all I have been doing is working. Knitting. Crocheting. Felting. And knitting some more. I love it, really. I love knitting new designs and using new colors. I love watching it all come together (so to speak) in the washing machine, the shapeless pieces turning into sturdy felted pieces. And I especially love it when something turns out even better than I could have imagined. Felting is magical.

I was accepted into the Poppytalk Handmade Holiday Market No. 2 which I am super thrilled about. Poppytalk is one of my favorite design blogs so I feel quite lucky to have been accepted into the market. It opens tomorrow so please stop by and check it out!

I've been working as fast as I can to get new things in the shop. This past week I added many new bags, nested bowl sets and even some more colors of zinnia pins! And there will be more to come.

Etsy is now allowing coupon codes, so if you are interested in making a purchase, I'm offering 10% off all regularly priced items through November 25th. Just put in the coupon code "MADORANGE10". Then over the weekend (Black Friday through Cyber Monday), I'll have some other discounts available like free shipping and 10% off selected items.

If you are at all interested in making a special order, please contact me by the first week of December so that I have ample time for production. And the cut off date for made to order items will be around December 10th. That way I have time to make everything and get it mailed. Last day for mailing ready to ship items will be December 19th.

And remember, even if you don't buy my work, you should buy handmade!

****

Busy, busy right now. It's good.

Still waiting for sleep. Not so good.

A new week ahead, exciting things to come.

xo

Sleepy days and sleepless nights.

We're all a bit sleepy around here right now, although the cats get plenty of sleep so I don't know what their excuse is. Now that the nights have gotten colder, they are both mostly sleeping through the night which is great. They sleep until around 5:00am now instead of 3:00 or 4:00. Sadly this hasn't helped my inability to sleep through the night. I haven't stay asleep for longer than 3 hours at a time for a few weeks and it's starting to get to me. Just once I would like to open my eyes and find that it is morning instead of the middle of the night.

And I can't blame the cats although they do tend to hog the bed and the comforter. The past few nights when I've awakened in the night, I've found that I am pinned down by sleeping cats. One on my legs and one at my side. I like the warmth they bring and the sweetness that is a cat sleeping next to me, but sometimes they don't leave much room to move.

I really need to become a heavy sleeper.

Really.

My dreams have been so vivid and long and weird lately too. It's like I am dreaming so much that I am not actually getting any rest.

Nonetheless, I have been getting loads of work done. Knit, knit, knit. Crochet, crochet, crochet. And then felt. Yesterday I had quite a good felting day of three bags, two sets of coasters, two sets of nested bowls and a handful of zinnias. And today I have already finished knitting up one bag and I am almost done with a second. This week I added a few new things to the Mad Orange Shop. And there will be more. Soon.

That's what the weekend holds for me as well. More knitting and crocheting. It's a good thing that I run five mornings a week or else I'd never get out of the house! (It's kind of bad, this whole not leaving the house thing. I need to get out more.) Sunday will bring a bit of daytime football capped off by the nighttime Steelers game. We'll be cooking up BBQ pulled pork and baked beans. I can't wait.

Hope everyone one has a happy weekend!

Link love.

Good morning! While I am feeling better this week, I am still not sleeping through the night due to a rather large grey tabby cat named Simon. Every night I am deep into dreamland when suddenly I feel myself being pulled out of it. Sometimes it is rather confusing as I go from dream to consciousness, not quite sure what is going on. Last night I was awake at 2:00, 3:00, 3:35 and 4:45. As a result, I slept late (until 7:30) and screwed up my morning schedule. I am going to skip my run and go directly to pulling weeds so I can get it done before it gets too hot.

When I bought my star necklace awhile back, it made me want to wear my little star post earrings that I've had forever. But when I went through my box of earrings, I couldn't find them. Alas. So the other day I searched Etsy for star earrings and found these little beauties. A little more than I can afford right now but they are definitely going on my wish list.

I am in love with just about everything at the Ellaina Boutique. Beautiful, simple designs. I may have to splurge soon and get myself this super sweet ruffle tank.

This viking hat is just the coolest thing ever.

Just stumbled across this t-shirt shop yesterday. I especially love the llama t-shirt. So cute.

Love the sunflower Pola that Nick Leonard took at the Bellagio conservatory.

Somewhere along Route 66, CA.

Awash by roostercoupon.

And one more of my new favorite blogs, persisting stars. I stumbled across madelyn's work via the words to shoot by blog as she is a fellow contributor. Her photos are beautiful and dreamy and she is full of poetry and inspiration. I always look forward to finding a new post on her blog.

Now I really have to go pull weeds!

Link love. (And raise your hand if you are tired.)

I am raising my hand.

I know, I know, you're rolling your eyes and thinking, "So what else is new? And we all know that you can't sleep most of the time."

But it is getting better, slowly, so when it gets worse again, I think I notice it more. Or maybe I am just crazy.

This week it is Simon's fault. He woke me up at 1:30am this past Saturday and I lay awake until 4:00am when both cats went outside. Then on Sunday, the 4th of July, I hardly got any sleep because of all the goddamn noise. Until two in the morning. Last night I conked out but awoke at 2:00am when Simon put his paws up on the bed and said, "MEOW!" very loudly in my face.

So today has been a day of exhaustion and not getting enough done. I know I am really sleep deprived when I can't even focus on knitting and crocheting.

But I guess I don't really have insomnia. I have cats. If only I were a heavy sleeper! That might just solve all the lack of sleep issues!

And now, if you've stuck with me, on to some link love.

As I've mentioned before, I love letterpress. I also love Pittsburgh. I lived there for almost ten years and it is one of my favorite cities. So of course I think this brand new Etsy shop, Cardomom Press, is pretty awesome. All her cards (at the moment) are Pittsburgh landmarks and look absolutely beautiful.

Another great love of mine is t-shirts. Really I love all t-shirts, but I especially love silk screened t-shirts. One of my all time favorite shops for t-shirts is Supermaggie. I'm not sure how I stumbled across their work, but I fell in love immediately and have bought many t-shirts over the past few years. Will gets a new one every birthday and Christmas. Love the designs and the t-shirt quality is excellent. They make some for tiny ones too.

The Shop at boygirlparty.com is another long time favorite. Susie's drawings are so wonderful and whimsical. She has everything from notepads and magnets to t-shirts and necklace.

Awhile back I discovered brandon's blog via a photo of an old friend that was posted on Facebook. Since then I've been checking in fairly regularly as I really love his photography. I especially love his portraits, but really all his work is interesting. I am just not good at writing about it. (Sorry.)

And through that blog, I discovered amanda marsalis who takes the most wonderful Polaroids. Full of light and life. I am never disappointed.

One more favorite new blog is Eyeblog. I think I discovered Tara via habit. Another wonderfully visual and poetic blog that has rapidly turned into a daily read for me.

It's so nice to be discovering so many new fabulous and inspiring places to visit online!

Happy sleeping to you! (And me!)

Another busy week.

And oh look! It's not a cat! Or a flower! It's a meadow!



A very green meadow. I love all the different shades of green.

A quick recap...I was dead tired on Tuesday evening, but when I went to bed, I couldn't fall asleep. I lay awake for hours and it was torture especially since I knew I had to get up and work at the gallery the next day. I think I finally fell asleep for two hours or so. Wednesday morning I felt rough. Sometimes no sleep is tolerable and I get kind of slap happy, but this time, not so slap happy. More on the crabby side. The day at the gallery was long, but I made it through and thankfully managed to sleep that night.

We had been planning to hike on Thursday but with lack of sleep for both of us, we just weren't sure how we would feel. Woke up and decided that yes, we should hike. Get out of the house. Get some fresh air. Take a break.

We hiked to La Vega which is about a 7 mile hike round trip. It's also one of my favorite spots in the Santa Fe mountains. I felt tough going in although Windsor Trail seemed extra rocky and that got tiresome after awhile. It was hard to look around and take in the wilderness because I had to focus on my feet and not tripping and falling flat on my face.

I took my SX-70 Alpha loaded with TZ Edge Cut film, a Holga and my point and shoot digital, but it was so overcast, it really wasn't a good day for taking pictures. That was a disappointment since I had been looking forward to shooting outside our house and yard, shooting something other than cats and flowers. But oh well, perhaps another day.



Once at the meadow, we walked around a bit then ate our lunch. Then Will relaxed on a rock while I walked around and took pictures. Usually we see cows and chipmunks at the meadow, and I look forward to seeing them, but alas, no cows or chipmunks! Hardly any wildlife to be seen. Finally on our way out we spotted a woodpecker in a tree. Where oh where were all the cows and chipmunks?!





I found another cow vertebra which made me happy. This one is HUGE. Much bigger than the other pieces that I have found. I have no idea why I like bringing cow bones home, but I do. I think it has something to do with my love of Georgia O'Keeffe.





Not too keen on self-portraits, but here I am, looking happy. And old. Or not so young anymore. Sometimes I feel like I don't quite recognize myself in photos.



All in all, it was a perfect way to spend the beginning of our day. We really need to get back into the habit of hiking a couple of times of month. It is so peaceful and invigorating to get out into the wild. Of course since we haven't hiked in ages, on the way out, I really started feeling fatigued. Sevens miles is a relatively easy hike, but it got me. Glad we didn't start with ten miles!

We both did some work when we got home and then went out to dinner at Maria's where we had delicious margaritas and New Mexican food. Carne avodada for Will and chile rellenos for me. It was a particularly good meal.

And now it's the weekend and aside from a trip to the Farmers Market this morning, I plan to work through it.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a happy 4th!

New stuff!

Hello, thank you for bearing with me and my rambles about lack of sleep yesterday. I slept alright last night and am feeling mostly human again. Always a nice treat.

I took a few new things over to the gallery here in Santa Fe last week, things that I have been meaning to show you.

A felted coaster set which includes 6 coasters and a small bowl to keep them in.





Another coaster set, this one in a "petal" bowl. I like to think that when put together, it looks like a flower. Yes, me and flowers. I love flowers.





And this clutch isn't a new style, just a new color. Bright and fabulous for spring and summer!



The fuchsia and turquoise look really great together.

I'm really excited about the coaster sets. I think they're pretty cute and they're even useful too!

So they aren't in my Etsy shop, but the coaster sets will be available there soon. And of course if you ever see anything here that isn't in the Etsy shop but it is something you would like to purchase, just let me know! I'm always happy to make special orders.

Knitting, felting and sleeping.

The knitting and felting is going well. The sleeping, not so much. I used to write about sleeping a lot, or rather, not sleeping. And then I stopped. For one, I imagine it's not that interesting and for two, it didn't seem to be such an issue anymore. Not that I was sleeping through the night regularly, but it definitely had gotten better. I still had bad nights, sometimes a few in a row, but it was okay. More often than not, I slept decently and I felt good. And I wasn't obsessed with the problem. It felt so nice to feel kind of normal again. And it felt super nice to have hope again. Hope that maybe I would be a good sleeper one day. And because I felted more rested, hope about everything. I felt inspired, creative and open to new possibilities. A nice change from the heaviness that a lack of sleep brings.

And then.

A few weeks ago, I actually slept through the night, a rare occurrence. And I was so chipper that morning, I said to Will, "It's almost annoying how chipper I am after a good night of sleep."

I haven't slept through the night since then.

At first, I could tolerate the exhaustion, but last week was rough. That's how it always goes. I'm okay for awhile and then it just builds up and builds up and I start to feel worse and worse. Fortunately it doesn't affect my work as far as getting it done. I work at home and I can knit when I am tired. But it does affect my work in the sense that I no longer feel so inspired or creative. The ideas stop flowing because the space in my head is taken up by thinking about sleep. Whether or not I will sleep that night. Why I don't sleep. Why I haven't slept well for so many years. How tired I am from not sleeping. How all I want to do is sleep. Wondering how I can be so so so very tired and not sleep properly. Let me tell you, it pretty much kills the hope. And that upsets me a lot. I've never been the most positive person in the world and lately, I had been feeling so damn good, it was awesome.

And I really don't know why I can't sleep properly. I generally fall asleep easily but then wake up throughout the night. And I've tried so many things...I even have sleeping pills that I was prescribed a few years ago after I didn't sleep for five nights in a row. I was so desperate this past week that I tried them again and guess what? Don't work. Still don't sleep through the night. I mean, what the hell? When this cycle goes on and on, I seriously start feeling punished, I suppose that's my Catholic upbringing showing.

I realize I sound like a broken record. I've said all this before and I still don't have an answer. And I know you don't either. I really wish I never would have to write about this again. I am not a particularly good writer so I am guessing I am not really describing the feelings all that well, but it's just so disheartening to me. It's not a few months of bad sleep. It's not because I am sick or this or that. It just is. And so I have no idea how to fix it. Trying to fix it gets exhausting too.

Anyway, this post has gotten away from me. Last night I slept the best I have in four nights, but I still didn't sleep through the night. 1:46 AM. Awake. I fell back asleep, but it's just not the same as having uninterrupted sleep. It's not like I am asking to win the lottery or to live forever or something. All I want to do is sleep through the night on a somewhat regular basis. And I want to feel alive again. Being excessively tired all the time seriously affects quality of life. I really don't want life to pass me by while I am sitting around being tired.

Wednesday.

Errands before lunch.

Sewing flower pins after lunch.

And then we both felt like getting out of the house. (Errands don't count.)

So we had a few beers at Marble Tap Room, then dinner at Cowgirl.

We should have come home for dinner. Cowgirl didn't make us sick as usual, but it just wasn't satisfying. It's so close to us, I wish we enjoyed it more.

And then home in time for Criminal Minds. Gavin Rossdale guest starred and the show opened with him doing a cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart."

The beers and the dinner out kept me awake for quite some time last night. After sleeping better for a few weeks, I haven't been sleeping all that well again. AGAIN. Fall asleep fine but wake up at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning and just lay there, awake. I don't like it. Even if the kitties are snuggling with me.

I wish sleep would be my friend.

Good morning.

And a good morning it is! When I woke up and looked at the clock, it was 5:00am. Amazing. I actually slept through the night. Simon did too. Sweetness.

It's been a super busy week, but I've just about got everything on my list crossed out. I have to do laundry and finish packing, but mostly I am good to go. We're really looking forward to getting away for a little awhile. It's a much needed vacation.

I do have to work while we are gone, but I don't consider knitting to be all that intrusive. My things have been selling like mad at the shop on Canyon Road. The flowers just about sold out so I took a new batch in on Thursday and on Friday afternoon, I got an email from Leslie saying that she had already sold nine. Nine! I guess the fall weather brings the need for handmade felted flowers. The baby hats are starting to sell too. It's all pretty exciting. So I want to knit as much as I can on the road so I can have stock ready to go when we get back.

Our cat and house sitter is coming over this morning so we can show him the ropes and give him detailed instructions about the care and feeding of the cats. Hopefully they don't drive him nuts. My theory is that they will actually behave better with him than they do with us. They know they can take advantage of us. A new person, well, that might be risky. I'm sure that they'll ultimately be thrilled to have someone around all the time to cater to their every need. Because Luis is pretty much going to be here 24/7. He's remodeling my bathroom while he is here. Not a bad deal, right?

I'm still on the fence about what cameras are going with me. The for sure ones are the Holga (of course), Polaroid Spectra (I only have five packs of Spectra film left and then that's it), Polaroid One Step Plus and the point and shoot digital. The Pentax K1000 is most likely going as well. And I have the digital SLR packed, but I can't decide if I should take it or not. Between my suitcase of clothing, my knitting bag, my non-digital camera bag and my bag of beach stuff, I have a lot of crap to lug across the country. Do I really need to add one more camera bag? We shall see.

Anyway, I best stop dilly dallying on the computer and get showered and ready for the day. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

I can't believe how much rain we have gotten this week.

It's awesome. But also chilly and gray. It's so unusual to have two gray days in a row here. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. It's like Pittsburgh. But not. Really.

My brain is at full speed lately and it is making it hard for me to get complete sentences out of my mouth. I'm not unfocused exactly, well, okay, maybe a little blurry. But not unfocused. If that makes sense.

I make lists to keep myself organized, but right now I have so many lists going on that my lists are disorganized and it is making me a little crazy. So I started some new clean lists today and it made me feel better.

Debating over cameras to take to the beach is making me go in circles. I just picked up my film pictures from the Earthship Adventure and boy howdy, let me tell you, they are way better than the digital shots. Maybe not all of them, but as a whole, they seem to be so much richer. But more costly. So what to do, what to do? Film or digital? A little of both perhaps.

That said, I also need to learn how to use the digital SLR to its fullest capacity. I think I am lazy about using it and so my pictures aren't as good. Or maybe I need to learn how to post-process more, but it's just not my thing. I'm mostly a straight out of the camera kind of gal.

I'm also realizing that I am going to have to get a good bit of work done while we are gone. And by work I mean knitting so it can't be all that bad, but let me tell you, last year at the beach, we did a whole lot of nothing. Nothing. And reading. Lots of reading. I figure I can at least get a lot done on the drive out there and then maybe just relax at the beach. We'll see.

A quick sleep update. I guess it's gotten a bit better? If you call waking up at 12:30am and then not until 4:30am better, well then, yeah, better. I would love to skip the 12:30am awakening and get a solid six hours of sleep. But you'll have to check with Simon on that one.

Okay, enough of my scattered brain.

I'm tired.

Um, yeah, so what else is new? I haven't slept well in about two and an half weeks and it is really starting to wear me down, mentally and spiritually even more so than physically. I'm feeling pretty stressed and hopeless about the situation. Just one night of decent rest, is that so much to ask? (Apparently so.)

On the upside, there are some fun things coming up. Friends from the east arrive this week and we are very excited! It's been well over two years since we've seen Sheryl and Rebby. And one of the nights that they are in New Mexico, we're all going to stay at an Earthship in Taos.

That's right, an Earthship! The Phoenix Earthship to be precise. (It's for sale if you're interested.) I've been looking at all the photos online and it looks pretty amazing. I really have no idea what to expect, but I am taking an armload of cameras and film with me. It's out near the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge so I know the views are going to be fabulous.



And the sunset! I can't wait! And who knows, maybe I'll actually get some sleep.

Lastly, we are also looking forward to the first Steelers game of regular season. We're not going to be able to watch in real time, but nonetheless we are excited. Steelers football!

But before all the fun stuff, I have a million and one chores to get done and work to finish up. I also need to squeeze in a quick trip to the Farmers Market this morning to stock up on green chile for the winter. It's been on my list for ages and I just haven't made it over there. (No matter that it's about two blocks away.) Today is the day though. I am going to do it. And then we'll see what else I get done.

Hope your week is going well so far!

Things that go bump in the night.

Last night I woke up at 1:10 in the morning. I kept hearing weird noises. Or I kept thinking I heard weird noises.

So I woke up my husband.

"I keep hearing weird noises."

He got up and checked the house. No one in the house. No one lurking outside the house. All was well.

Except that we were both wide awake. And we woke the cats up.

It's not so bad being wide awake when the person laying next to you is also wide awake. I felt like a jerk for waking up Will, but he was very nice about it.

The cats were restless and kept me from sleep until 3:49 when I finally gave in and let Rocky go outside. (I let Simon out at 3:16. Rocky usually isn't allowed out until after 4:00, but I've been giving in lately. And yes, I remember exact times of the night. I think that's what happens when you have problems sleeping.)

I think that I have an overactive imagination because the past few weeks, all I've been doing is knitting and watching crime shows. Crime shows plant all sorts of scary and gruesome scenarios in my head. I need to start watching sitcoms or something.