Snowy view on the way to Chimayo.

[Polaroid Spectra + PZ680 Color Protection film]

The light in the late afternoon was so amazing on this day. I always love the drive to Chimayo, but I can't recall ever going out there during the winter so the views of the snow covered hills leadings up to the snow covered mountains really blew my mind. I had to make myself pay attention to the road instead of the magical scenery.

[Polaroid Spectra + PZ680 Color Protection film]

And this new PZ680 Color Protection film from the Impossible Project is my new favorite. The colors are so rich and lovely. If you haven't tried it yet, you definitely should!

Happy Holidays!

[Polaroid SX-70 Alpha 1 SE + PX70 Cool film]

Wishing you all wonderful holidays! Best wishes to you in the New Year. I think 2013 is going to be a good one! xo

Friends.

[Polaroid SLR680SE + PX680 Color Protection film]

[Polaroid SLR680SE + PX680 V4C Color Protection test film]

[Polaroid SLR680SE + PX680 V4C Color Protection test film]

[SX-70 w/ ND filter + PX680 Gold Frame film, 2011 edition]

Happy to be happy.

[Photo booth at Ace Hotel, NYC - 12/12/12]

Five good things.

1. Visiting The Impossible Project. 
2. New York bagels. 
3. New York pizza. 
4. Meeting up with an old friend that we haven't seen for 7 years. Realizing that he and I have been meeting for drinks at the Cowgirl Bar since 1992. Twenty years!
5. New t-shirts, new film, lots and lots of walking.

And here we are.

1. Today was totally manageable. I am surprised and not surprised and totally thrilled. 
2. The apartment in Chelsea is a great location, clean and comfortable. 
3. I can't believe we already went to Whole Foods. 
4. We had dinner at The Half King, a place we frequented when Will worked at the Gagosian. It was the perfect place to go. Familiar and a friendly staff. Not to mention that I had the best buffalo burger ever. So good. 
5. Getting on the plane was the hardest part for me. Once on, I was totally fine. AND I was able to take the window seat for the first time in forever. It made me feel like a kid. I was so excited about looking out the window. 
6. Being back in the City is exciting and strange. I've been coming here, and have lived here a few times, since I was 18. This is the first time I feel like a small town girl. Bright lights, big city. 
7. I am so looking forward to visiting The Impossible Project tomorrow. I hope I don't damage my pocketbook too much!
8. Also hoping to see an old friend from my NYU days. 
9. YAY!

Five good things.

1. Snow! And lots of it. We desperately need the moisture.
2. Still feeling anxious but it's not totally overwhelming. (I threw up this morning. That's a new one.)
3. Dinner with the folks.
4. We have the sweetest kitties ever. They make me smile.
5. Watching love birds snuggle in the trees.

Well, okay.

[Polaroid SLR680SE + PX680 Color Protection film, Pigeonhole edition]

This shot is my favorite of all the shots I took with the Pigeonhole edition film. It's the late afternoon view from the back of my parents' house.

After feeling quite calm for most of the past week, this morning I got up and almost immediately felt fear in the pit of my stomach. My heart is pounding and it feels like my blood is racing. Hello anxiety!

I guess there's a part of me that hopes I can get through this travel thing without feeling this way, but based on this morning, I don't know if that's going to happen. There is a little voice in my head that is saying: "Don't go! You're going to freak out! Just cancel the whole thing! Who cares?!"

And it's true, probably nobody would care. Except me. I think I would feel pretty lame. And embarrassed. Not to mention it wouldn't be very fair to my husband. (Although I suppose he could just go without me!)

Besides, I am always going to have this fear if I don't try to work through it. And eventually it might become a limiting thing. There are a lot of places we can't go unless we fly. I've manage to do other things that I was afraid to do, but they seem like such little things compared to this. And it's so weird really, I mean, I have no clue why this flying anxiety even started. When I was younger, I loved to fly. And then after awhile, I didn't love it so much, but it also wasn't such a huge deal. It was sometime in my early to mid-30's that this started. And as far as I can recall, nothing actually happened to make it start. The last two times that we flew places, I was nervous, but I survived. So there's no concrete reason for me to think that I won't survive this time as well.

But man, it's uncomfortable feeling this way. And I don't like feeling this way. But this is how I feel right now and I need to just feel it, I guess. Fighting it won't help.

Today I just need to breathe and get through it. Today I am not getting on an airplane. I am home and I am safe and it's okay to feel afraid and to let my body feel afraid. I don't need to judge myself for it. And I have to remember that in order to grow, we often have to push through fears and feel uncomfortable. I have to ask myself, "Do I really wanted to be grounded for the rest of my life?" And that answer is no.

Happiness is...

friends, sunshine, long walks, purple panda curtains, sweet dogs, Christmas Snoopy, stars, postcards from friends, reflections, and warm hugs.

Five good things.

1. A long walk with friends before work.
2. The PX680 Color Protected film from Impossible Project continues to blow my mind. Blow. my. mind.
3. So many good vibes from our house guests. Seriously. Feels weird to feel this calm. In a good way.
4. Snow? Really?! Okay, I welcome the moisture.
5. Dinner out with my man. Just the two of us.

Things to do today.

[Polaroid SX-70 Alpha 1 SE + PX70 Cool film]

1. Get flower pins/clips together to take to gallery. (Already done!)
2. Get packages ready for the post office. (Already done!)
3. Scan photo of Rocky. (Already done!)
4. Hang out with friends for a bit.
5. Go to work. (Boo!)

Five good things.

1. Blogging from bed with a kitty snuggled up next to me. 
2. Friends visiting who are so full of love and goodness. 
3. A lovely dinner out and the smart decision not to drink more. 
4. Photos taken of friends. 
5. Hugs before bed from friends. 

Feeling so peaceful and content right now!

Things to do today.

I imagine these lists are rather boring, but I wanted to get in the habit of blogging again and also create some kind of focus for myself. I think the to do lists have actually helped me get things done! I write paper lists as well, but sometimes they get out of control so just focusing on one day at time here, well, it seems to help.

But today, I have nothing for you. The usual morning run, yes, but then I have no idea. We have one house guest leaving. Two more arrived late last night and I don't know if they are staying today or heading back out on the road. So until I find out about that, there are no plans for the day.

Not necessarily a bad thing!

Five good things.

1. Wrote letters. Two of them!
2. Sweet, handsome kitty cats.
3. Turkey soup with crusty bread.
4. A mellow, relaxing day but still productive.
5. Blue sky and sunshine.

Things to do today.

[Polaroid SLR680SE + Pigeonhole PX680 Color Protection film]

I'm a bit stumped about my to do list today. I thought we were going to have more company today so I busted out everything I needed/wanted to get done on Monday and Tuesday. So now I have a free day ahead of me. It's a bit too early to start on my packing/vacation lists. I feel like there is something terribly important that I need to do, but I have no idea what it is! Today's list is more like a list of options as opposed to stuff that I have to get done. (Except the run. I will definitely be doing that.)

1. Run (still not getting out early enough, but oh well)
2. Write in my journal
3. Write a letter
4. Hand wash some delicate things
5. Take some photos
6. Knit
7. Relax and enjoy the day!

Five good things.

1. Finished sewing flowers.
2. Scanned!
3. Chile rellenos at Maria's for dinner. So good.
4. Checked everything off my to do list for today.
5. Sunshine. Never tire of the sunshine.

Things to do today.

1. Run (hopefully by 9 o' clock; I've been getting out too late)
2. Finish sewing flowers and shave felted bags
3. Paperwork for consignment
4. Drop felted bags and coasters off at the gallery
5. Mail packages
6. Scan photos (this hasn't been happening)
7. Dinner at Maria's with our house guest/s

Five good things.

[Polaroid SX-70 Alpha 1 SE + PX70 Cool film]

1. Slept through the night!
2. Sewed most of the flowers; only six left to do.
3. For dinner, the steak salad at Second Street at the Railyard.
4. Found out the Impossible Project's Holiday Party is next week!
5. Started reading The Casual Vacancy by J. K. Rowling.

Things to do today.

1. Run
2. Water indoor plants & cacti
3. Sew pinbacks on felted flowers
4. Scan photos
5. Maybe a quick trip to the post office

Five good things.

[Polaroid SLR680SE + expired 600 film]

1. STEELERS WON!!
2. Turquoise jean mission was successful + I got a cute LED tree to put on top of my computer. (Thanks to a friend that I ran into on the way into the store.)
3. Ran into a friend from high school that I hadn't seen in 20+ years. Had a really nice chat with her and hope to make it to her studio to check out her photography/jewelry work. (Who knew I would run into so many people at Target on a Sunday morning?!)
4. Homemade pizzas for dinner: pepperoni, mushroom and green chile and a white spinach pizza. Both were awesome.
5. STEELERS WON!! (Yes, it is worth two mentions!)

Things to do today.

[PX100 UV+ Silver Shade test film + Impossible Markers]

1. Run
2. Laundry
3. Return to Target to try on turquoise skinny jeans that caught my eye yesterday. Red ones too. But the husband was in a hurry so I couldn't try them on. Like I need more jeans.
4. Take "cheer" photos for last Words to Shoot By of the month. Hate doing it at the last minute! I have been looking for stuff to shoot all week and just haven't seen anything that works. And we don't decorate so there's not much of that kind of cheer around here.
5. Watch the Steelers game even though it's probably going to be a somewhat stressful and torturous experience. (We're on our 3rd string QB, a guy I love, but he doesn't play well. Not to mention all the other injured players that are still out. Ugh.)
6. Welcome the friend/client that is coming to stay with us for the next few days.
7. Find time to start sewing pinbacks on felted flowers.
8. Scan photos.
9. Smile.

Five good things.

[Polaroid SX-70 Alpha 1 SE + PX70 Cool film]

1. My Epiphanie bag arrived yesterday and while I don't love it (yet), I think it is going to be near perfect for our trip to New York. Plenty of room for two cameras and film plus my wallet, sunglasses and other random crap.
2. Rocky's feline acne is getting better. Super yay!
3. Christmas came early and Will gave me two new Supermaggie t-shirts. This one and this one. My t-shirt drawer is officially out of control.
4. Polenta and sausage leftovers for dinner. It's a recent favorite from the Food Network magazine. So delicious.
5. A fresh pack of PX680 Color Protected film in my SLR680SE.

P.S. Thank you so much for the kind comments on my last post. You all are the best!