Wednesday, October 29

Monday, October 27

Feeling blue.

On a happy note, Fall 'Roid Week started today. Yay Polaroid! I'll be posting my faves from the pool all week.

As for feeling blue, I don't know, I guess it's still fall out from the whole job mess. I do believe that the change is for the best and I'm feeling mostly optimistic about the situation, but nonetheless, there are some raw feelings there. Part of me hasn't gotten over being shocked. Another not so nice part of me keeps chanting, "LOSER" inside my head. And the fact that I have to go to back to work tomorrow has me feeling a bit weird too. My boss and I are okay, but, I don't know. It's just an odd situation.

And actually, for being someone who has a tendency to ruminate about things quite a bit, I'm doing a pretty good job of not constantly thinking about what happened. A pretty good job. Random thoughts sneak in though. Particularly when I wake up in the middle of the night. It's like, "oh yeah, I don't have a job anymore." Which sometimes leads to an evaluation of my entire life and all the things that I feel stupid about or could have done differently or feel that I failed at or whatever. Not real productive, let me tell you.

But mostly I am good. Just putting one foot in the front of the other. Perusing all the job postings that I know about for Santa Fe. Making lists of things that I'd love to accomplish while I have more time. Knitting. Lots and lots of knitting. And taking pictures. I am thinking I am going to have pull out the digital camera more often now since getting film processed gets expensive when one doesn't have a steady income. It's not like my film experiments have been particularly stellar anyhow.


It's all okay. I'm just blue today. (And there are some football blues in there too. Our loss yesterday was so disappointing.)

Well, I'm off to dine on chicken pot pie and watch Sex and the City.

Take some Polaroid pictures this week!!

Sunday, October 26

Thursday, October 23

A little bit chilly.

Last night it dropped down to 20 degrees or so. Brrrrr! I was wide awake until after 3:00 AM and the house got so chilly, that the heater actually came on! (It was set on 50 degrees or so.)

After the day that I had yesterday - which I am not going to discuss here because there's only so much I want to say about work - I was not in the least bit surprised that I couldn't sleep. My head just wouldn't stop. I finally got up and watched a fairly crappy movie on cable called Broken. If you can't sleep, go ahead and watch it, otherwise, I'd say don't bother.

As for work, suffice it to say that after Wednesday of next week, I will officially be unemployed. A bit unexpected to say the least, but ultimately I think it's for the best. Besides, I did say I needed something to change. Well, here it is.

The weather warmed up a bit this afternoon so I spent some time in the yard, clearing out the rest of the garden. My zinnias finally bit the dust with the freezing temperatures of last night. It felt good to be out in the sun. Then I knit up an hand-warmer pattern from Weekend Knitting. I only made one so far and it's slightly too big on me so I think I'm going to adjust the pattern a bit and make two smaller ones. My hands are so damn small, it's always hard to find anything that fits right.

This evening it's going to be chicken tacos and a few more episodes of The Wire.

Wednesday, October 22

Be careful what you wish for.

You might end up without any job at all.

On Autumn.

Things to love about autumn:

The colors of the leaves and
the deep blue skies.

Crisp air in the mornings.

Oatmeal for breakfast.
(I've never liked oatmeal before.)

Kitty cats sleeping through the night
snuggling on the bed.

Football season.

Snow covered mountains.


Knitting holiday gifts.

So yes, there are many things to love about this time of year, nonetheless, it tends to not be a good time of year for me. Autumn often brings on depression for me. And while it isn't as bad as it used to be, it is floating around and I've had some very bad days. It also seems to be the time of year that work starts to get me down. I find myself more and more discontent. Particularly because I felt this way at this job last autumn and nothing has changed. Something needs to change. I need to make a change.

But what?

I am frustrated.

Lucky, yes. But still frustrated.

(And the fact that I did not even get a call back for my potential dream job does not help the depression and frustration. Still trying to accept that it must not have been the Dream Job. Or maybe it was and I got passed by. These things still keep me awake at night.)


Today is Wednesday. I am off tomorrow and then also have a three day weekend. AND next week is Fall 'Roid Week!

Sunday, October 19

Game Day

Game Day

Will said, "I am going to pretend I am driving a truck."

So that's what he's doing.

Let's go Steelers!

Sunday, October 12

Bye Week (No Game Day)

Bye Week (No Game Day)

Sometimes the bye week leaves us feeling lost, this week we needed the rest. Or perhaps more aptly, the Steelers needed the rest. Ben has been getting roughed up, Willie's on the mend along with a handful of others. Here's hoping the come back stronger than ever after two weeks off.

Of course we still watch football. Maybe not as intensely, but we always watch. This seems to be the season of a lot of upsets and a lot of "THIS TEAM is the BEST TEAM" and then that team loses. Personally I think all the upsets and what not make for a much more interesting football season than a season in which there is one powerhouse that blows out all the other teams. Redskins are tough this season, but they lost to the Rams today. Cowboys are supposed to be on top, but they've been struggling in the past couple of games. They should have blown out the Bengals and didn't. Right now the game against the Cardinals isn't over yet, but it's a nail-bitter. So are the Cowboys really IT? Methinks we can't decide such things just yet.

I'm already looking forward to next Sunday. We finally have a morning game which means breakfast burritos, sausage balls and Bloody Marys!

Thursday, October 9

Wednesday, October 8

I always take the same pictures.

Holga, Polaroid, Digital.

I'm feeling rather bland these days.

Sunday, October 5

Waiting (Game Day)

Waiting (Game Day)

Too many night games this season.

It's hard to believe that it was only this past Monday that I was wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt on Game Day. Autumn has finally arrived.

On the Big Tesuque Run.

My time, the rank I attain, my outward appearance -- all of these are secondary. For a runner like me, what's really important is reaching the goal I set for myself, under my own power, I give it everything I have, endure what needs enduring, and am able, in my own way, to be satisfied. From out of the failures and joys I always try to come away having grasped a concrete lesson. (It's got to be concrete, no matter how small it is.) And I hope that, over time, as one race follows another, in the end I'll reach a place I'm content with. Or maybe just catch a glimpse of it. (Yes, that's a more appropriate way of putting it.)

-- Haruki Murakami, from What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

Yesterday I completed the Big Tesuque Run, a 12-mile out and back trail run that begins at 10,000 feet and goes up to about 12,043 feet. Considering that I bettered my time from last year, I should be content, but I did not meet my personal goal and thus, I felt more failure than joy. (My goal being to run the whole way up and I was not able to do that.) But so it goes sometimes and perhaps I have learned something from the experience.

before the race

It was a tough run for me. I felt good that morning. I mean, I had my usual pre-race nerves, but nothing out of the ordinary. But within the first 100 yards of the race, I knew I was screwed. I felt dehydrated, my legs started cramping up and I couldn't get my breathing right. At one point I was close to hyperventilating. And mentally I could barely keep myself going. Numerous times I got so angry at myself that I was just going to turn around and go back. I mean, why bother walking up? (The runner's blues, perhaps, or hitting a giant mental wall while running a race...not quite sure how to describe it.) And I had some concern that I wouldn't be able to make it down. Every so often I would start to run, but my legs just couldn't keep it going. Shortly after the 3 mile marker, I was going to turn around, but then I saw the water station and thought that might help. And it did, a bit.

Anyway, I made it to the top and ran down the mountain at a pretty good clip considering that my legs still didn't feel right. I was running about 10-minute miles and a few times I thought my legs were going to buckle. Not to mention that at the top it was windy and cold. My hands were bright red and hurt. So uncomfortable. But I kept running. At that point, all I wanted to do was get down the mountain and be done.

I guess it's no small feat that I finished, but as a runner, walking during a race is just not something that I enjoy doing. My dad did much better than me, as expected. He finished at 2:20 or so and was fourth in his age group. I finished at 2:30, a few minutes faster than last year in spite of the sheer psychological torture!

i made it!

We just went out for breakfast and saw that the mountains are covered in snow. Snow! No wonder it was freezing at the top of the mountain yesterday. And while I am not psyched about the cold weather, the snow covered mountains are quite a lovely sight.

Thursday, October 2

When I picked up the cats at the vet,

a lady with a small dog came in. She overheard the receptionist make the call to bring Simon and Rocky to the front.

"Those sound like two good names. What are they?"

"They're cats."

"And they're all checked out and healthy now?"

"They came in to get their teeth cleaned today."

"Oh, my poodle died here while he was having his teeth cleaned."

Good lord! I am glad I didn't hear that little bit until they were done with the procedure. Although the lady obviously still trusts the place if she was there with her other dog.

As it is, I am a little pissed and stressed because they gave Rocky too much fluid while he was under. He was supposed to get 60ml of fluid and he got 200ml! Not a lethal dose, but apparently something to be concerned about as they told us to keep a close eye on him for the next few days. He has a slight cough now, but other than that, he seems fine. The tooth extraction did not keep him from gulping down a bowl of dry food when he got home. There's not much that will keep Rocky from his food.

Oh and Simon ended up not having any teeth extracted. The two teeth that they intended to extract weren't actually there. Um, yeah.

I'm telling you, it's always something.

The cats cost us a small fortune today.

Last year when the cats went in for their yearly check-ups, the vet recommended that they both have their teeth cleaned within a year. It's not a cheap procedure so we've kind of been putting it off, but this week we decided to bite the bullet.

We were instructed not to feed them after 9:00PM the night before the appointment. Uh-oh. Not feeding Rocky leads to excessive whining. We were afraid. And I'd already spent four nights with poor sleep so one more would not be a good thing. So we fed them their early dinner last night and then high-tailed it over to my parents' house. I know, we're such wimps, but we have two bad cats and we thought that with empty bellies, they would be more than we could handle.

We got up early and came back home. Both of them were highly distressed over the lack of food. Poor things. Will dropped them off at the vet and since then, we've gotten three reports. Rocky went first. He had to have one tooth extracted but everything went well. The vet called again to report that he was awake and doing fine. Simon was up second. We just found out that he has to have two molars extracted. And guess what?! Each extraction makes the cost of the procedure go up. We're looking at a lot of money that is going to have to be paid out when I go pick them up this afternoon. Way more than we expected. Way more. It's insane. We don't even spend that much on our teeth. All I can say is that they damn well better have sparkling white clean teeth.