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My time, the rank I attain, my outward appearance -- all of these are secondary. For a runner like me, what's really important is reaching the goal I set for myself, under my own power, I give it everything I have, endure what needs enduring, and am able, in my own way, to be satisfied. From out of the failures and joys I always try to come away having grasped a concrete lesson. (It's got to be concrete, no matter how small it is.) And I hope that, over time, as one race follows another, in the end I'll reach a place I'm content with. Or maybe just catch a glimpse of it. (Yes, that's a more appropriate way of putting it.)
-- Haruki Murakami, from What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
![](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3187/2914639169_82f2ab9654.jpg)
Yesterday I completed the Big Tesuque Run, a 12-mile out and back trail run that begins at 10,000 feet and goes up to about 12,043 feet. Considering that I bettered my time from last year, I should be content, but I did not meet my personal goal and thus, I felt more failure than joy. (My goal being to run the whole way up and I was not able to do that.) But so it goes sometimes and perhaps I have learned something from the experience.
![before the race](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3227/2915483068_d5503af6d7.jpg)
It was a tough run for me. I felt good that morning. I mean, I had my usual pre-race nerves, but nothing out of the ordinary. But within the first 100 yards of the race, I knew I was screwed. I felt dehydrated, my legs started cramping up and I couldn't get my breathing right. At one point I was close to hyperventilating. And mentally I could barely keep myself going. Numerous times I got so angry at myself that I was just going to turn around and go back. I mean, why bother walking up? (The runner's blues, perhaps, or hitting a giant mental wall while running a race...not quite sure how to describe it.) And I had some concern that I wouldn't be able to make it down. Every so often I would start to run, but my legs just couldn't keep it going. Shortly after the 3 mile marker, I was going to turn around, but then I saw the water station and thought that might help. And it did, a bit.
Anyway, I made it to the top and ran down the mountain at a pretty good clip considering that my legs still didn't feel right. I was running about 10-minute miles and a few times I thought my legs were going to buckle. Not to mention that at the top it was windy and cold. My hands were bright red and hurt. So uncomfortable. But I kept running. At that point, all I wanted to do was get down the mountain and be done.
I guess it's no small feat that I finished, but as a runner, walking during a race is just not something that I enjoy doing. My dad did much better than me, as expected. He finished at 2:20 or so and was fourth in his age group. I finished at 2:30, a few minutes faster than last year in spite of the sheer psychological torture!
![i made it!](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3284/2914638291_fb603f15e1.jpg)
We just went out for breakfast and saw that the mountains are covered in snow. Snow! No wonder it was freezing at the top of the mountain yesterday. And while I am not psyched about the cold weather, the snow covered mountains are quite a lovely sight.
I'm proud of you for making it all the way through, even if it wasn't exactly what you wanted to do.
ReplyDeleteStill better than last year!
Hooray!
xoxo
S