Saturday, September 26

Good morning.

And a good morning it is! When I woke up and looked at the clock, it was 5:00am. Amazing. I actually slept through the night. Simon did too. Sweetness.

It's been a super busy week, but I've just about got everything on my list crossed out. I have to do laundry and finish packing, but mostly I am good to go. We're really looking forward to getting away for a little awhile. It's a much needed vacation.

I do have to work while we are gone, but I don't consider knitting to be all that intrusive. My things have been selling like mad at the shop on Canyon Road. The flowers just about sold out so I took a new batch in on Thursday and on Friday afternoon, I got an email from Leslie saying that she had already sold nine. Nine! I guess the fall weather brings the need for handmade felted flowers. The baby hats are starting to sell too. It's all pretty exciting. So I want to knit as much as I can on the road so I can have stock ready to go when we get back.

Our cat and house sitter is coming over this morning so we can show him the ropes and give him detailed instructions about the care and feeding of the cats. Hopefully they don't drive him nuts. My theory is that they will actually behave better with him than they do with us. They know they can take advantage of us. A new person, well, that might be risky. I'm sure that they'll ultimately be thrilled to have someone around all the time to cater to their every need. Because Luis is pretty much going to be here 24/7. He's remodeling my bathroom while he is here. Not a bad deal, right?

I'm still on the fence about what cameras are going with me. The for sure ones are the Holga (of course), Polaroid Spectra (I only have five packs of Spectra film left and then that's it), Polaroid One Step Plus and the point and shoot digital. The Pentax K1000 is most likely going as well. And I have the digital SLR packed, but I can't decide if I should take it or not. Between my suitcase of clothing, my knitting bag, my non-digital camera bag and my bag of beach stuff, I have a lot of crap to lug across the country. Do I really need to add one more camera bag? We shall see.

Anyway, I best stop dilly dallying on the computer and get showered and ready for the day. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Tuesday, September 22

Hello Autumn.

I am not ready for you yet! 32 degrees this morning. Are you serious? Now in addition to the four million other things I have to do today, I have to pick all the tomatoes and peppers because it might freeze tonight. And I have to dig out my warmer running clothes. I wore shorts and a t-shirt yesterday. But did I mention, it's 32 degrees this morning? Time to find the winter gear.

Not. Ready.

I wish I didn't get stressed so easily. I mean, it's just Stuff That Needs To Get Done. No reason to totally freak about it. And having a maxed out stressed level certainly doesn't make the day go any smoother. Everything that needs to get done is going to get done. It might not all happen today, but it'll happen this week. And that's okay.


I still can't believe it's going to freeze tonight. Good grief.

Friday, September 18

I can't believe how much rain we have gotten this week.

It's awesome. But also chilly and gray. It's so unusual to have two gray days in a row here. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. It's like Pittsburgh. But not. Really.

My brain is at full speed lately and it is making it hard for me to get complete sentences out of my mouth. I'm not unfocused exactly, well, okay, maybe a little blurry. But not unfocused. If that makes sense.

I make lists to keep myself organized, but right now I have so many lists going on that my lists are disorganized and it is making me a little crazy. So I started some new clean lists today and it made me feel better.

Debating over cameras to take to the beach is making me go in circles. I just picked up my film pictures from the Earthship Adventure and boy howdy, let me tell you, they are way better than the digital shots. Maybe not all of them, but as a whole, they seem to be so much richer. But more costly. So what to do, what to do? Film or digital? A little of both perhaps.

That said, I also need to learn how to use the digital SLR to its fullest capacity. I think I am lazy about using it and so my pictures aren't as good. Or maybe I need to learn how to post-process more, but it's just not my thing. I'm mostly a straight out of the camera kind of gal.

I'm also realizing that I am going to have to get a good bit of work done while we are gone. And by work I mean knitting so it can't be all that bad, but let me tell you, last year at the beach, we did a whole lot of nothing. Nothing. And reading. Lots of reading. I figure I can at least get a lot done on the drive out there and then maybe just relax at the beach. We'll see.

A quick sleep update. I guess it's gotten a bit better? If you call waking up at 12:30am and then not until 4:30am better, well then, yeah, better. I would love to skip the 12:30am awakening and get a solid six hours of sleep. But you'll have to check with Simon on that one.

Okay, enough of my scattered brain.

flickr faves


1. chiswick house walk 8, 2. peony, 3. ., 4. correzione, 5. french doors, 6. That tree, 7. san francisco, 8. blue, 9. Chowlion_xpro, 10. Salon der Dame, 11. Untitled, 12. Untitled, 13. Untitled, 14. Brightening the mood..., 15. Untitled, 16. Untitled

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Thursday, September 17


Looking out one of the greenhouse doors.

I like it!

It's actually cold this morning.

Cold enough that I actually had to put on my fleece jacket when I got out of bed. And think about where I put my slippers when I packed away my winter stuff. I am not ready for fleece and slippers.

That said, I do love the crisp air in the mornings, drawing autumn closer and closer. And the golden yellow leaves that are starting to appear in the trees. I even got excited about the first appearance of snow on Santa Fe Baldy.

I just don't want to be COLD!

Wednesday, September 16

What have you been doing?

I've been knitting bowls and crocheting flowers to felt. Watching too many crime shows. Posting lots and lots of earthship photos. Just the digital for now.

East entrance.

Scanning earthship polas. And yesterday I dropped off four rolls of film to be processed. I also paid five bucks for a little strap for my Holga. I thought five bucks was a bit of a rip off, but oh well, I wanted the strap. We popped in the local yarn store too, but they didn't have either of the colors I need in stock. So I ordered them from a place online instead.

I've been eating a lot of tomatoes because they are turning ripe daily now. We give a lot of them away too. I've been running in the morning although I didn't go this morning because I overslept. My mileage has gone down lately as I find it difficult to run 5 miles when I haven't slept very much. It bothers me, but I keep telling myself that 3 miles (or 4 miles) a day is certainly better than no miles a day.

I've been fighting off mild depression and many negative thoughts. I chalk up most of both things to the lack of sleep. Some times it is hard to feel good when overly tired.

I've been thinking about what I am going to take to the beach this year. Too much probably.

I've been thinking about how I really need to change my routine. I knit most of the time which is awesome because I love to knit. But I am not doing some of the other things that I also love to do and I find that a bit frustrating. And there are some things that I want to learn, but I find that I have no time for that either. So I am doing one thing that I love but not the others and it all comes down to time management. I think. I spend too much time on the computer in the morning too. I am doing it right now.

I've been thinking about why it is that I am unable to connect with people. Again. It always makes me sad. It is better when I let go and accept that this is just how it is. How it's always been.

And of course I've been thinking about why I can't sleep well. Why, why, why? What it is going to take to break the cycle?

I've been trying to brush the mats out of Rocky's tail end, but he really doesn't want me to do it. I got one mat out the other night. I've also been noticing all the scabs he has on his head. That one just gets involved in too many fights.

It rained all during the night. The thunder growing distant and then loud loud loud again. And rain. All night. That rarely happens in Santa Fe. It was nice. (Simon many not have thought so though as he was outside.)

Time to get off the computer now. Hope you are doing lots of things you love to do.

Sunday, September 13

A few new things.

(The zinnias in the mason jar are there to give an idea of the bowl size.)

Felted bowl.

Felted bowl.

Felted bowl.

I made four others but decided I didn't need to post pictures of every single one, although I should have posted one of the smaller ones as they are my favorites.

And last of all, a bag with a shoulder strap! I thought some folks probably prefer this style to a tiny handbag. We shall see.

The Earthship adventure was a blast and I have loads of pictures. It's going to take some time to get them all posted. I also have about a million and one things to get done before we head to the beach. Time is short these days.

Hope you all are enjoying the weekend!

Tuesday, September 8

I'm tired.

Um, yeah, so what else is new? I haven't slept well in about two and an half weeks and it is really starting to wear me down, mentally and spiritually even more so than physically. I'm feeling pretty stressed and hopeless about the situation. Just one night of decent rest, is that so much to ask? (Apparently so.)

On the upside, there are some fun things coming up. Friends from the east arrive this week and we are very excited! It's been well over two years since we've seen Sheryl and Rebby. And one of the nights that they are in New Mexico, we're all going to stay at an Earthship in Taos.

That's right, an Earthship! The Phoenix Earthship to be precise. (It's for sale if you're interested.) I've been looking at all the photos online and it looks pretty amazing. I really have no idea what to expect, but I am taking an armload of cameras and film with me. It's out near the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge so I know the views are going to be fabulous.

And the sunset! I can't wait! And who knows, maybe I'll actually get some sleep.

Lastly, we are also looking forward to the first Steelers game of regular season. We're not going to be able to watch in real time, but nonetheless we are excited. Steelers football!

But before all the fun stuff, I have a million and one chores to get done and work to finish up. I also need to squeeze in a quick trip to the Farmers Market this morning to stock up on green chile for the winter. It's been on my list for ages and I just haven't made it over there. (No matter that it's about two blocks away.) Today is the day though. I am going to do it. And then we'll see what else I get done.

Hope your week is going well so far!

Thursday, September 3

Dinner is always the best part.

We ended up going to Mauka for dinner last night. We were tired and had a couple of very refreshing mojitos at Coyote Cantina in the late afternoon so driving out to Terra didn't seem like a good idea anymore.

We ate at Mauka last year for our anniversary and it was awesome. Last night it was awesome again. We started off with the Hawaiian poke spring roll served with pineapple chutney and black tobiko. For the main course, Will had the River Canyon Ranch tenderloin served with potato-chorizo hash, local mustard greens and romesco sauce. So delicious. I went for the Atlantic Diver scallops served with bacon - apple risotto cake, fennel confit and kimchi vinaigrette. It did not disappoint. The scallops were perfect and the bacon - apple risotto was amazing. Not to mention the lovely presentation.

The dessert options were interesting, but none of them really grabbed me. We went for the Blackberry Clafouti with Pineapple Caramel. It was good, but not really my dream dessert. Or perhaps I just had one too many glasses of chardonnay by then. Overall, I think Mauka is one of the best restaurants in Santa Fe. They always have excellent menu choices and seem to use a lot of locally grown food. A little pricey for us to frequent, but definitely worth it when we can swing the bill.

Wednesday, September 2

Tuesday, September 1

P.S. Today is not my birthday.

(So this is a pre-birthday birthday post.)

1. 30, 2. 31, 3. 32, 4. 33, 5. 34, 6. 35, 7. 36, 8. 37, 9. 38

[Created with fds flickr toys.]

When I turned 30, I wanted to have my dream rock show, and basically, I did. I wanted Oneida and a Dead at 24 reunion and that's what I got. And CC spinning tunes. And one of the best things ever, Sheryl, Kate and Fat Bobby getting up on stage and singing Little Red Corvette for me. Later, Fat Bobby and I played jacks on my kitchen floor.

[Another dream rock show, the JBB at my wedding reception. It happened. I was thrilled. Sadly I've already been told that the dream rock show for my 40th birthday is never going to happen because the JBB is done. Forever. Fortunately they live on forever in my iTunes.]

A small party for age 31 and Sheryl made Tres Leches cake for me! I keep asking Will to make one for me to no avail.

Another small party for age 32, this time in New York City at Lakeside Lounge. I was head over heels in love. (And I got a nice pola of Jami's boobs.)

Age 33, Will gave me a Lomo LC-A camera and we went to the Bronx Zoo. Good times.

I couldn't find a single photo for my 34th birthday. Checked out my old archives though and found that Will gave me a Polaroid ProPack and we went to see Oneida that night.

I neglected to look up what we did when I turned 35. We were in Pittsburgh.

We went to Dana's PhD party for my 36th birthday. Working Poor at the park and then karaoke in Swissvale later that evening. I remember getting Ben Brain to sing something for me and now I can't even remember what it was. Iron Maiden? Billy Squier?

By my 37th birthday, we were here in Santa Fe and I wanted to go hiking for my birthday. So a-hiking we went with my dad and Katrina.

And last year, I worked on my birthday, but we had a superb sushi dinner at Shoko Cafe. Oh, and I got a new stove.

As for this year, well, that remains to be seen.

I know this post is rather indulgent. I like birthdays. I like other people's birthdays, I like my birthday. I have no idea why. Will could give a shit about his birthday. Another day, another year older, yadda yadda. But it always makes me think a bit, reflect on birthdays gone by and I don't know, some years I probably don't like what I see, others I do. This year I have no complaints. The drama quotient in my life has gone down significantly so it's not like I look back on the year and get blown away. What I see is very slow progress toward achieving the kind of life that I want to live. Working outside the 40-hour work week. Doing something I love. Actually acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, I am a creative person. For someone who has, unfortunately, had self-esteem and confidence problems for the greater part of her life, these very small steps feel very huge to me. And sure, I wish I was younger and making these steps. That I had more time. But I'm not and it's okay and there is always time. It is never too late. (Or so I hope!) I suppose the main thing that remains a monkey on my back is the insomnia and the anxiety. Both things oftentimes keep me from living life to the fullest and it is incredibly frustrating. But I have hope. Slowly progress is made in those departments as well. I am who I am and I deal with it the best that I can. I wish I didn't have anxiety problems, but I do and I miss out on things, but at some point I also have to stop beating myself up about it. I also wish I was a better photographerknitterwifedaughtersisterfriendcookgardner. I wish making friends came easy to me, online and off. I wish I wish and I wish and then I stop and it's okay. I haven't given up on changing, no way, never, but picking on myself isn't going to help. So mostly, at almost forty, I am pretty okay with who I am. And for me, that's saying a lot.