Tuesday, February 19

Feeling A Little Distraught

You're either on the bus or off the bus. Right now I feel like I am UNDER the bus.

I am dead tired, distraught and in tears...not because anything is so bad, but because I cannot deal when I am overly tired. And I don't mean just a little on the tired side. I mean, OVERLY TIRED. My current boss is quite understanding when I have this problem, but in addition to that job, I had a job interview today which was short and sweet and hard to really absorb in my zombie-like state. I have no clarity of mind when I am like this and so when my recruiter called, I should have said, "I need to sleep on this..." but instead I said, "okay, okay and okay," and now I don't know WTF I have done. I have turned my quiet little comfortable existence upside down in some ways. And it's probably okay. Once I get some sleep, I may realize that it is all fine and dandy. But right now I feel like I have made a bunch of big ass mistakes. But see, this all started because I let myself get too comfortable and maybe, just maybe, I should challenge myself instead of taking the softer, gentler path. But you know, when you don't know what you want to do, it's hard to leave one job for another because, well, neither of them are the dream job. It's only recently that I have even come up with a dream job and it's one that I probably can't have. I want to work for the NFL. No, seriously. I want to be that person who funnels historical facts into the commentators headphones. Or something like that. And of course that's not actually going to happen, at least not in Santa Fe and, well, we're not going to be moving anytime soon. So in a way, for me, a job is a job is a job. And I prefer a job that lets me have a life as well which is exactly what my current job does. Perfecto, no? No. I just fear that I have signed on for too much now, but hey, maybe making some extra cash will be good considering that every time I see things like this on the internet, it makes me totally panic and buy more film.

I hope I sleep tonight and this all makes sense to me in the morning. Good grief.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous6:09 PM

    I'm all for going for your dreams so here's a bit of a push.

    How do you know you can't do the NFL job from Santa Fe? The announcers travel from game to game so why couldn't you?

    If it's something you really want to do find a way to make it happen. Maybe you need to work college games before you get to the NFL (just like announcers, coaches, and players). There are plenty of college football teams in the Southwest.

    To put it in perspective, I'm still photographing things that aren't my dream subjects. I'm just shooting away until I start landing those dream clients. It's so close I can taste it. It's been a hard past few years but I know what I want and how I'm going to get there. Day jobs and supportive, working spouses are a bonus, too.

    All I'm saying, really, is: Try it. You may fail or you may get what you want. You don't get either one by only wishing and dreaming.

    Okay, that's the end of the pep talk.


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