Almost four months later.

[Polaroid SLR680SE + PX680 Color Protection film]

It's hard to believe that it was almost four months ago that Rocky was diagnosed with a tumor and the vet gave us the impression that he might only have days left to live. We were terrified. And then relieved that he seemed to keep on keeping on for the most part.

Today I told him that every minute I get to spend with him is a gift. And then I got all teary eyed.

He has good days and bad. More good than bad as far as we can tell. There for awhile, he was doing so well, we took him back in for another ultrasound on the chance that there had been a mistake or maybe the tumor had just miraculously disappeared. That was at about the two month mark. Unfortunately, the tumor was still there, but nonetheless, it was good to have a chance to discuss things with the vet a bit more.

Since then, he's mostly been good. He has an appetite. He likes to hang out with us. He finally stopped waking me up all night long! His coat is shiny and clean. He still likes to go outside.

He also still throws up at least once a day. There for awhile, it was mostly just clear, foamy vomit. Now it's been more food-oriented which isn't so good. The puking in general isn't great, but since it's not throughout the day, it hasn't worried us too much. But throwing up food is more worrisome. Not to mention it breaks our hearts that he has to deal with such discomfort every single day.

When he is doing well, it is easy to be lulled into thinking that everything is okay. Not that he's not sick, but that...I don't know...he's going to be around for a good long time. He's definitely a trooper, living all these months with a big tumor in his belly.

And then he has a bad day. Recently, he had a bad week and it was tough. We went through the mourning all over again. Scared. Unable to picture life without Rocky. Worried about being able to tell when he's really in pain since so far he hasn't exhibited the typical behaviors of pain, like not eating and isolating. We spent many evenings just hanging out in the backyard with him.

His appetite has changed, but he still has an appetite. A few weeks ago, he stopped eating dry food. And he got really finicky about wet food. One meal he would love the chicken, the next, he would turn his nose up at it and I'd have to open another can of food until I hit upon something that he would eat.

Last week, after his worst day, I woke up in the early morning and gave him dry food and he ate it! And then he ate more! That whole week he ate some dry food in mornings and then wet food the rest of the day. He got perkier again. He started begging to go out front again. (He had stopped that for awhile.) All signs pointed to him totally feeling better again. It was such a relief.

Today, he is back to running into the kitchen to eat, but then not eating much and being finicky about what flavor he gets. I'll give him as many damn flavors as he wants as long as he will eat something. His eyes are bright, but his energy is slightly off. What worried me the most was his weigh-in this morning. He's been holding steady at around 10.4 pounds and this morning he weighed 9.7 pounds. That's not a great sign.

I'm going to call the vet tomorrow and see if maybe he needs to be on something other than the Pepcid AC. Maybe his nausea has gotten worse, I don't know. And I'm going to keep feeding him whatever he can eat every couple of hours. And loving him with all of my heart. He is my angel.