Tuesday, April 9


I've been avoiding writing this particular post. In part, I suppose, because sometimes one needs time to process things privately. But I believe the bigger reason is that I don't want what I am going to write about to be true.

The short version:

Three weeks ago, we found out that Rocky has a mass in his stomach. A tumor. We don't know what kind of tumor, but nonetheless, it is a tumor. At the time, it measured 6 centimeters. Which sounds awfully big to me. Too big to be in my sweet kitty's belly. Hell, too big to be in anyone's belly.

And I am already crying again.

As most of you know, Rocky means the world to me. He has been my best friend for 14 years and I cannot imagine life without him. He is my light and my joy. He is my cuddle bunny, my puppy, my sweets, my Rockster and my Rock Star. And we are so very devastated by this turn of events. I knew he would die eventually, just like I know I will die eventually. But the reality of hearing "a mass in his stomach" is just something else entirely. Life has not been the same since we found out.

We do not know how much time he has since we don't know the exact nature of the tumor, but when I asked the vet if we should be thinking weeks or months, she said, "Probably not months."

We are doing the best we can, but it has been a rough time for all of us. We are so grateful that we have this time with him and we are going to enjoy it as much as we possibly can. And make sure that he is comfortable and gets to do all of his favorite things as often as possible. And I pray, I pray that he doesn't suffer. That he doesn't have to go through too much discomfort and pain. That we will know when it is time to say good-bye.

The longer version:

Rocky had x-rays, an ultrasound and blood work done. The ultrasound led the vet to believe that the tumor is attached to the spleen. And she saw a lot of "free fluid" in there which basically means that he is having internal fluid loss. (Or something like that.) We could not have a biopsy done because she was worried that poking around the spleen, the bloodiest of organs, could cause him to bleed out. Our only other option is exploratory surgery and we decided that we do not want to put Rocky through such trauma. He is 14-years old and has a heart murmur so we could lose him during surgery. And they could cut him open and find him full of cancer and that wouldn't be much better. We feel that there is no reason to make him miserable. To be cut open. To have to recover from a major surgery when he is already on his way to death. We feel that the best thing for him is to be happy and comfortable for as long as he can. Enjoy his last days sunning in the backyard and rolling in the dirt, not recovering from surgery.

So we don't really know. We don't know if the tumor is cancer or not. Or what's really going on in there. But we know that whatever it is, it is not good. The blood work indicated that he is "clinically stable" for now.

We monitor him so much now, I am sure it drives him crazy. It drives us a little crazy. Wondering what every little thing means. Cats are champs at hiding pain so we have to stay aware of his behavior. And so far, it's pretty normal. So normal that some days, it's hard to believe that there is anything wrong with him.

But in the past week, he's had a few days of throwing up and stomach discomfort. This past Sunday, he looked so miserable, we worried all day long. But I called the vet yesterday and she said to give him PepcidAC twice a day. We gave him one in the afternoon, and boy, it made a huge difference. He perked up and he ate a little bit more. And today, he's acting pretty normal again. He's back to his regular food portions for the most part. And he's hanging out more again. We are so relieved.

I don't know what I am going to do without him. Thankfully, for today, he is still here with us.


  1. i'm sorry. i don't have anything else to say because i've been in this same place...i pray for rocky too, that he doesn't have a lot of pain. :(( xo

  2. *hugs* I can't imagine how hard this must be. Lots of love to you all.

  3. oh no, i'm so sorry, juli! poor sweet kitty. i'm sending hugs your way.

  4. Shari6:39 AM

    I am so sorry you are going through this, but happy that Rocky has the best parents in the world. He is loved and he knows it. Big hugs. xoxo.

  5. Sending you and Rocky all the comfort + healing thoughts I can muster. He's a special little man, not just because of the cat that he is, but because you love him. xo.


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