As time goes by.

The days pass quietly for the most part. Today is not much different than last week. Or the weekend. Or yesterday.

But everything seems hard right now. My heart feels heavy most days even as I try to convince myself that there is joy to be found in each day. In each moment.

I smile when Rocky is in a deep nap and looks so peaceful. Or when he is asleep at the foot of the bed and I reach down to pet him. He still stretches out so I can gently rub his belly. And then my heart breaks a little bit because I don't know how much longer we have together.

Some might envy all the free time that I have. Most of the time I am grateful that I have so much freedom, but there are days that the empty hours seem to stretch on endlessly. And I have to wonder why I made certain choices that have led me to this particular time and space.

Too melodramatic? Perhaps.

The lack of sleep certainly does not help, but I don't like to harp on about it too much. In the past, I struggled greatly with insomnia and I finally learned that the more I complained about it, the more power I gave it. And actually, I don't necessarily have insomnia right now. I have a cat that wakes me up a lot. (Last night he kept putting his face right up to mine and tickling me with his whiskers.)

And so I think therapy to myself:

Feelings are feelings. Thoughts are thoughts. Neither are necessarily reality.

Best to acknowledge the feelings though. Acknowledge and accept but don't dig in too deep.

Be kind to myself. Be compassionate with others.

Love. Laugh. Smile.

This too shall pass.

Be present in each moment.

Phrases that often make me cringe because they are so cliche, but truth be told, they do help most of the time.

Take pictures.

Get out of the damn house.

Those things usually help too.

And sometimes writing things out helps as well. I think I already feel better.