Thursday, November 15

A Little Quiet In Here, Please

I've spent most of my life with a lot of noise in my head. It peaks when I have a bout of depression and all I do is ruminate about negative and/or totally inane things. And it's not fun. All the noise takes up so much space in my head sometimes, it doesn't leave room for anything else. Love, creativity, fun. Nada.

Our lives in New Mexico are fairly quiet and peaceful so thankfully, my head has also been fairly quiet and peaceful. I have my moments when I find myself thinking about something, trying to figure *why* these things in the past happened, things that I have gone over so many times, it's kind of pointless to go back again, but the thoughts fade more quickly now. It's good. (Of course my favorite thing to ruminate about, "what am I supposed to be doing in my life", is still hanging around, especially now that I am growing a wee bit tired of my current job choice.)

Anyway, I'm reading this book right now and in the second part, the narrator goes to India to study with her Guru. Now, I'm not particularly into that sort of thing, and I have pretty mixed feelings about the book itself, but the whole trying to quiet the mind is pretty interesting. The narrator is struggling with meditation because her head won't shut up. I don't meditate, but still, reading about the process of learning to quiet the noise of one's mind has drawn me into this section of the book.

A monk tells her one day, "The resting place of the mind is the heart. The only thing the mind hears all day is clanging bells and noise and argument, and all it wants is quietude. The only place the mind will ever find peace is inside the silence of the heart. That's where you need to go."

I like that. So then, yesterday morning, I find my weekly horoscope in my inbox and this is what it says:

"Dear Rob: I have eight distinctly different
voices in my head. There's a hurt, oddly puffed-up voice that complains
about everyone who has ever done me wrong. There's an hysterical voice
that nags me with the thought that nothing I could ever do or say will
make any difference to anyone, so why bother. Then there's the still,
small voice. It has more gravity and feels more honest. It gives me useful
instructions about specific things I could do to live a more meaningful life.
The only trouble is, the other voices always blabber so loud I tend to
neglect the only one that's actually helpful. Any advice? - Drowned Out."
Dear Drowned: Set aside five minutes each morning and five minutes
before bed. Whisper "Shut up, all the rest of you!", and then listen
reverently to the still, small voice.

I find it interesting that all paths are pointing to the quieting of the mind this week. I take it to mean that I should pay attention to this message from the universe. Perhaps I can clean some of the junk out of my head that still gets in the way of living from time-to-time. Wouldn't it be nice to have one of those things that Dumbledore had? I forget what it was called, but he could just pull the excess out of his mind and put it in a pot for later.


  1. I just ordered something for you from Amazon that might help. ;)

    Sorry I've been out of touch--it's been a blur since I got back from Boston! I'll be sending a package soon--just got to make it to the post office!

    ps your flickr randomizer brought up a picture of Jed when I opened your page. it made me a little wistful. xoxo

  2. Anonymous5:17 PM

    ooh - a pensieve is the gadget. i wanted one for my problem of absolute no memory of the majority of things in my life.


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